so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
