is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
