Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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