Yo dont text me then not text me
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Randomize
