dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
