Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
