Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Randomize
