put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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