if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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