I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize