The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
accomplished twins. life is a go
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
