We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
