i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
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