Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Randomize
