i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
