I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
