I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Randomize
