Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
So I just went to clothing optional bar
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
