It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
