my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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