She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
