Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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