I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
im six kinds of drunk right now
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
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