How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
