I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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