Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
