Swine flu. Run for my life!
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
