sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
