The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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