question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
