I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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