It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
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