Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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