hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Randomize
