it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
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