OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Randomize
