I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
