Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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