Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
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