when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
