yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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