I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Randomize
