turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
