i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
