My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
