My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
