i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
