Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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