well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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