i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
