It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
