Life is so much better after having sex.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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