id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Randomize
