How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
