I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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