I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
