yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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