So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
