Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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