Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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