I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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