u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
This house was built for laser tag.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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