Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
