I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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