we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
