he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
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