you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
