i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
