OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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