i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
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