Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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