i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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