Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Randomize
