He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
