so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
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