fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
