He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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